We've all been there.

The power struggle with a frustrating student. This applies to ALL OF US. Whether you are teaching in the classroom, leading the building as an administrator, driving the school bus, leading a small group, or checking them out at lunch, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US has been there.

We are deep in the middle of power struggle season. Its winter, cold and mother nature can't decide what she is doing from week to week. It feels like January consisted of 87 days instead of 31, we feel like we can't get everything done because of delays, cancellations or holidays, testing is either here or looming around the corner, and it feels like March may never arrive, and you have students that are testing the limits right now. Whether it may be talking back, having to have the last word, lounging with their feet on their desk, or just not wanting to do anything, you have a classic power struggle.

I am guilty of falling into the power struggle trap. I can think of specific examples of when I was a teacher, as well as an administrator, even just last week. They can be hard to avoid, especially when we are tired or frustrated. The biggest way to "WIN" this battle is to not feed into it, because that it what the child is looking for. I've learned this the hard way, I know we have all experienced it, and as hard as it is to do sometimes the following strategies will help.....

Remain Calm, Do Not Become Defiant :

Don't over-react. You are always modeling appropriate behaviors in all that you do. Do not show your anger or frustration, believe me, I know this can be difficult but it is a must. A power struggle requires 2 people, so you cannot engage. You do not want to escalate the student's behavior. Remain calm and composed.

Save Face:

Don't center the student out in front of their peers, this is very important to the child. It is never good to humiliate the child in front of their peers and you won't build positive relationships if you do. When you respond with an "I've had enough of you speaking out, off to the office with you" or "If you don't stop that, I'll.........." you'll gain nothing. These kinds of statements often escalate a situation in a negative way.

Dis-engage :

Do not engage the student. When you model confrontation you will naturally end up in a power struggle. Regardless of how stressed you are - don't let it show. Don't engage, after all, the disruptive student is usually seeking attention and if you give the attention, you've given the student a reward for acting negatively.

Deflect the Student's Attention:

Sometimes you can refocus the student by ignoring what was said and ask if the specific assignment is done or if the student has something that needs finishing.

Chillax Time:

Sometimes it is important to allow the child a chilling out time. Quietly ask the child if a quiet time elsewhere is needed. A buddy classroom or study carrel might just be enough.

Wait Time

Allow some time for the child to calm down before determining what the consequence will be. This helps to de-escalate the anger the child may be feeling.If you can use humor in the de-escalation process, all the better and it will help you out of a power struggle.

*Watson, Sue. "Say NO to Power Struggles." ThoughtCo, Jan. 30, 2019, thoughtco.com/avoid-power-struggles-3110679.

When we are decision making, more often than not, we tend to think about the worst case scenario and make our deiscions based on the potential that that is what will happen. We choose where we go and what we do in order to avoid negative consequenes. We often let the fear of what may happen drive the bus. What if we made decisions that were aligned to the outcomes that we want? What if our goal and vision for our students drove the bus?

If we apply this to our students, we often let our fear or the power struggle we encounter with students drive our actions. What we know is that behavior is communication, so what are they really asking for when they are pushing out buttons? Every behavior is an expression of need.

When teachers explicitly recognize and respond to their emotions in class, students learn to engage in these processes themselves.

We can teach our students how to self-regulation by modeling it ourselves.

If after you watch the video below you are interested in more and want to see it modeled, don't forget to sign up for a MIndfulness Monday spot with Shayona!

Link is attached!

Many of you already have calm down or mindfulness corners in your classroom. Below is a great poster to put in that corner that gives students options to help them focus and self-regulate in the classroom.

I am also attaching the poster size download for you!

In this section I will be sharing tips and strategies about staying calm and dealing with anger in positive ways. You will see ideas for cooling off, practicing calming methods, and others will be suggestions for ways to talk through situations with students.

What Would you Do?

Have students respond to the following scenario: "You're playing a video game when you mom gets home from work. She turns off the power and tells you to get going on homework- even though you don't have any. All your progress in the game is lost. " What Would YOU Do?

Tips!: Share it out.

Have you ever helped another person cool down before he or she acted out in anger? How did that help the situation? Share it out.

Brain Break, Calming Corning or Morning Meeting Mindfulness idea:

Riverview Elementary, Assistant Principal

Email: abradford@marion.k12.in.us
Website: http://riverview.marion.k12.in.us/
Location: 531 West Buckingham Drive, Marion, IN, USA
Phone: 765-662-2427
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MCSRiverviewElementarySchool/
Twitter: @RiverviewMCS_AP