Without Exception Newsletter

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Beginning last month, this section is an open forum to share reflections or responses connected to our mission. If you have something to say, then send me your thoughts to post them here—even anonymously. There is no format. Please respect the privacy of the authors. These reflections are intended only for the private forum of our network. Public sharing or reprinting is not permitted.

One year ago, in January 2023, Cardinal McElroy (San Diego, CA) published a piece in America on "radical inclusion" as the way of the future. For LGBTQ+ folks and allies, this article took a courageous stand for widening the embrace of the church. Sadly, many opponents (including other bishops) publicly rejected McElroy's argument as "not consistent with Catholic doctrine." Recently, the divided response to Pope Francis and the pastoral meaning of blessings exhibits the same discord. Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for us.

While those tensions play out in the public forum, I can also feel the weight of this ministry in the private forum. Every time I write something or give a presentation, I get cursed by a wave of self-doubt: Who am I to be doing this work? Why did I say the wrong thing? How can I fix this? When will the invisible army catch me? What am I doing? Where can I hide? I am an imposter. I don't belong here.

On one hand, I'm obligated to our LGBTQ+ students who deserve "radical inclusion" in our Catholic schools. On the other hand, I have to be un-radical in my approach to earn the trust of schools, dioceses, and bishops. (Ever read Aesop's "The North Wind and the Sun"?) I have to work from within the world of Catholic education.

The most difficult thing for me is enduring the pervasive silence in this ministry. Ninety-five percent of my outreach to schools, dioceses, and bishops doesn't get a response. What does that mean? Then there are meaningful connections that suddenly go silent, I assume because I've written or done something that makes me non grata. I had one person tell me that talking to me would be "career suicide." Ouch. There is no map here, but I'm willing to make mistakes and seek forgiveness as the cost of discipleship.

I'm not sharing this to host my own pity party (my life has been blessed abundantly). I'm sharing because I opened up recently and a few people answered, "Me too." That solidarity means a lot. If you can identify with any of these feelings, then here is the most liberating of all human discoveries: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. "[We] have the strength for everything through Christ who empowers [us]" (Phil 4:13).

When I was young, my favorite game to play was hide and seek. In the wood behind my house, my neighbors and I used to spread out and hide amongst the bramble, praying that we’d somehow survive the keen glare of the seeker. In the end though, we’d all inevitably be found. We’d all laugh and the game would start over again. There was one more chance to win … one more chance to get it right.

I’ve found that being gay at school is not so different from my favorite childhood game. Over the past four years, I’ve been playing the ultimate game of hide and seek. This time though, my thicket is in plain sight. I go to school with all of you. I take the same classes; I play the same sports. Still though, I leave parts of myself covered beneath the bushes, hidden, never to be seen. In the lunchroom, I hear the slurs, the conversations that go unheard in class. “God, he’s basically a girl.” “Burn in hell.” “That’s so gay.”

I know to some of you, what I'm saying today seems like a joke, something that you can complain to your friends about later. To me though, those comments dig deep; it’s more than just a laugh. It’s my life. It’s my heart. Please don’t break it. In the end, my time at school is almost up. But please, for the sake of the other kids still crouching in the woods, think before you act, choose your words, and be a friend.

"I AM has sent me to you" (Ex 3:14).

With ever-improving tools and methods for neurological research, modern science has been placing more attention on an eighth sense deeply embedded in our neurologic biology: interoception. Very broadly speaking, interoception helps you sense many things including: your hunger levels, your bathroom urgency levels, internal organ pains or differences, preferences in tastes, sights, smells, sounds, changes in heart or breathing rates, gender identity and sexual orientation, and sensing the presence of God. Engaging in bodywork such as craniosacral therapy or prayer techniques can provide avenues for connecting more deeply with our interoceptive system. Interoception helps build the framework for conceptualizing “who I am” in relation to our own internal world.

“I am” statements are at the center of all who enter our classrooms and offices. The unspoken echo of inquiry are Jesus's own words: “But who do you say that I am?”

I am struggling with reading. I am missing my math homework. I am experiencing knee pain in gym.

I am anxious about public speaking. I am a girl, not a boy. I am excited by the next science lab. I am struggling with my ADHD symptoms. I am not feeling safe at home. I am queer. I am overwhelmed by my workload. I am not a boy or a girl. I am confident about English, but not History or Geography.

If I AM has sent them to you, then Jesus is asking you through them: “Who do you say that I am?”

How do you answer?

[Editor's Note: Jennifer's full essay is listed in the bibliography.]

• Here is an inside look at the current reach of our monthly newsletter. The January edition reached 10 different countries. If you know people (anywhere in the world) who might benefit from our grassroots ministry, then please help them get connected.

• Many LGBTQ+ persons are experiencing an increase in anxiety due to the proliferation of laws and policies that discriminate against them. As a counterweight to these movements for exclusion, conversations about non-discrimination policies are surfacing in some places. If your school has a non-discrimination policy for employment that includes sexual orientation and/or gender identity, then would your school be willing to share that text with me? As a safeguard, please remove any school-identifying information from the text. I will share my findings in the March or April newsletter.

• Is your school doing well in the area of LGBTQ+ ministry? Are you willing to connect with members who seek to learn more about these success stories? If so, then please let me know and I will facilitate some introductions.

• Last month I mentioned a project to create a series of short case studies to help Catholic schools think about various circumstances they might encounter with sexual and gender minorities. This month I have a DRAFT of 28 cases to share with you. There is still work to do, but I would appreciate any feedback.

• FutureChurch is hosting Dr. Craig Ford for a 75-minute online presentation on Tuesday, February 20 at 7:00 PM ET. Dr. Ford's presentation, "Co-Creating Beauty: Queer Bodies and Queer Loves Beyond the Anathemas," explores how our roles as co-creators with God allows for new ways to understand the truth revealed by sexuality and gender identity beyond the boundaries of heteronormativity. Such redeployment of this theological status as co-creator, Ford argues, may provide a pathway beyond the impasse currently experienced at the level of official church teaching with respect to these topics. See here for registration.

• "Creating a Spirit of Welcome: LGBTQ+ Issues and Catholic Schools" is a workshop offered by New Ways Ministry to help Catholic educators plan what types of LGBTQ+ initiatives would be appropriate for their schools. For the spring semester of 2024, New Ways Ministry has received a grant to offer this workshop to school leaders free of charge. The workshop topics can be adapted to local needs and situations, and the program can be scheduled as a one-day, half-day, or two-part program. The general program description can be found here. For more information, please contact Frank DeBernardo at New Ways Ministry: director@NewWaysMinistry.org or call 301-277-5674.

• In considering our own lives as LGBTQ+ Persons and Loved Ones, how bold are we as we place ourselves in the story and encounter the Divine at the well? For what are we yearning? What is our greatest thirst? What freedom and joy have been stirred within ourselves as a result of this encounter? Join us on March 2 from 7:30 – 9:30 AM Pacific Time/8:30 – 10:30 AM Mountain Time/9:30 - 10:30 AM Central Time/10:30 AM – 12:30 PM Eastern Time for an Interfaith Virtual Morning of Reflection for LGBTQ+ Persons, their Families, and Allies. We will gather as a Beloved Community and ponder these questions in a prayerful, safe, and affirming environment. It will be presented by Fr. Buddy Noel, Sr. Rochelle Perrier, MSC, and Brad Leger via Zoom. Although there is no fee to attend, you must be registered in order to participate. Please click on this link to register. Only those who have registered will receive the Zoom login information and other associated materials. Please register by February 29, 2024. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact Brad at brad@balconsulting.org.

• Building Catholic Futures is a nonprofit creating educational resources to help the next generation of gay and same-sex attracted Catholics discover a self-accepting theology. They are putting together a parents' guide—not a guide for parents whose children have come out, since there are already some good resources on that subject, but a guide for parents who feel unsure how to navigate complex and fast-changing cultural ideas about faith and sexuality. This is a guide for parents whose kids have questions about videos they see on social media, things they hear on the playground, family situations of their peers, etc. It's intended to help parents present the fullness of Catholic faith in a way that focuses on hospitality and encouragement rather than culture-war antagonism or "thou shalt not"s. Right now, Building Catholic Futures has a draft in need of "beta readers," especially parents who have fielded these tough questions from their kids. If you're interested in taking a look, or you have any questions, please email Eve Tushnet at eve_tushnet@yahoo.com.

• Registration is open! The LGBTQ+ Initiative of the Marianist Social Justice Collaborative will host a summer conference from Thursday June 27 to Sunday, June 30, 2024 at the Bergamo Center in Dayton, OH. “Imago Dei: Embracing the Dignity of LGBTQ+ Persons” aims to celebrate the 50th anniversary of a 1974 groundbreaking conference centered on LGBTQ+ inclusion and ministry which was held in Dayton at the Bergamo Center. The conference hopes to honor those who foresaw the importance of developing pastoral care and outreach, and to envision how we can continue to respond to the needs of the LGBTQ+ community within our Church and world.

• The Naming Project Summer Camp will run this summer from July 28 - August 2 in Minnesota. The theme this year is Abundant Life! Sometimes, especially these days, it can be hard to believe in abundant life. Everywhere we look, we see limitations on who we are, on our relationships, and the future ahead of us. God’s promise, over and over again, for all of us, is that we will have abundant life, not limited in any way. This summer, claim that promise of abundant life with The Naming Project, and discover how to ensure others have abundant life as well. Campers will experience large and small group conversation, personal quiet time as well as campfires, crafts, swimming, games, and summer camp fun in the beauty of God’s creation! More information is available here.

• Kirkridge Retreat and Study Center (PA) is holding a retreat workshop March 22-24 for BIPOC LGBTQ+ women called "Healing the Heart Through Writing." Black, Indigenous, and Women of color who identify as LGBTQ+ are invited to explore their shared hurts and wounds in a safe space. This workshop reminds us that every person has artistic wisdom; that in community we can write together to support and encourage this creative release. This is a non-clinical workshop & is open to every level of writing. More information is available here.

• Kirkridge Retreat and Study Center (PA) is holding a retreat workshop June 7-9 named "Writing Down Our Queer and Trans Lives." This weekend retreat will focus on helping writers of all levels generate new work, build community, explore identity, and craft gorgeous writing. The class format will include time for free-writing, peer workshopping, fishbowl-format workshopping with the instructor, and Q&A, as well as time for some somatic and mindfulness exercises to help us get connected with ourselves. More information is available here.

• Sr. Julia Wash is a Franciscan Sister of Perpetual Adoration and a blogger/podcaster at Messy Jesus Business. A former high school teacher, Sr. Julia's ministry is now dedicated to exploring the meaning of vocation and discipleship. At the age of 25, just a month into her novitiate, Julia fell from a cliff and became disfigured. While working toward healing, she felt pulled to religious community life, but also toward unresolved feelings regarding her own sexuality, identity, and injustice. Her new book, For Love of the Broken Body, is a story of pain, questioning, recovery, and discovery. The number of women choosing to enter religious life across the U.S. is shrinking rapidly, so Sr. Julia encounters a lot of curiosity about her choice. In this memoir, she writes honestly about feeling drawn to men and to sex, as well as what it means, in this age of self-discovery and hook-ups, for a young woman—physically broken and still very much attracted to the world—to join a celibate, religious community.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and American Dental Association. After a Suicide: Postvention Toolkit. New York, NY, 2023.

Bettendorf, Craig, director. Not a Tame Lion [documentary]. Indie Rights, 2022.

Bluglass, Amanda, director. Out of Order [documentary]. Bluglass Pictures, 2020.

Boswell, John. Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century [35th Anniversary Edition]. University of Chicago Press, 2015.

Cain Miller, Claire. "Today’s Teenagers: Anxious About Their Futures and Disillusioned by Politicians." The New York Times, January 29, 2024.

Committee on Canonical Affairs. Procedures for Resolving Conflict. United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2002.

Cottrell, Robert. "The Anti-Gay Church: A Power-Driven Modern Invention." Patheos, FreedHearts, January 29, 2024.

Devaney, Jessica, director. Love the Sinner [documentary]. Multitude Films, 2017.

Dever, Ray. "Trans and Catholic: A parent’s perspective." US Catholic, May 23, 2018.

Diaz, Miguel. Queer God de Amor (Disruptive Cartographers: Doing Theology Latinamente). Fordham University Press, 2022.

Diaz, Miguel and Lee Artz. "Theology and Sexuality: The Roundtable Perspective 708" [video]. The Roundtable Perspective, Purdue University Northwest, Lakeshore PBS, 2023.

Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith. "Press release concerning the reception of Fiducia Supplicans." The Holy See, January 4, 2024.

The Editors. "The Editors: Vatican document on same-sex blessings does not confuse church teaching—it deepens it." America, January 16, 2024.

Faggioli, Massimo. "How Pope Francis has changed the mission for Catholic colleges and universities." National Catholic Reporter, January 16, 2024.

Fahey, Paul. "Building Catholic Futures." Where Peter Is, July 13, 2023.

Ford, Craig. "Our New Galileo Affair." Horizons, December 29, 2023.

Franz, Peter, et al. "Digital bibliotherapy as a scalable intervention for suicidal thoughts: A randomized controlled trial." Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, Vol. 90, No. 8, Aug 2022.

Garvey, Emily. "A Theological Journey with My Transgender Child" [lecture]. St. Mary's College, YouTube, November 30, 2017.

Gray, Peter and Lenore Skenazy. "Trend Lines: The Importance of Play for Raising Independent Kids." National Association of Independent Schools, Winter 2024.

Hall, Cassidy, host. "Episode 4: Queer God de Amor with Dr. Miguel H. Díaz" [podcast]. Queering Contemplation, October 2023.

Hickey, Kent. "An Empty Chair at the Catholic School Table." Carney Sandoe & Associates, December 5, 2023.

Horowitz, Lisa, et al. "Implementing Suicide Risk Screening in a Pediatric Primary Care Setting: From Research to Practice." Academic Pediatrics, Vol. 22, No. 2, March 2022.

Lentz, Robert. Mary, Undoer of Knots [icon]. Trinity Stores, Lentz Collection, N.D.

Mannino, Jennifer. "I AM sent me to you." unpublished, January 26, 2024.

McManaman, Doug. "Demands for Certainty Are Not Always Reasonable." Where Peter Is, January 15, 2024.

O'Connell, Gerard. "Pope Francis defends blessings of couples in ‘irregular situations,’ including same-sex unions." America, January 26, 2024.

Ortiz, Camilo and Lenore Skenazy. "This Simple Fix Could Help Anxious Kids." The New York Times, September 4, 2023.

Pacyniak, Kori. "Are Trans Catholics Welcome in the Church? This May Not Be the Right Question." Bondings 2.0, New Ways Ministry, December 11, 2023.

Psychiatry and Religion Committee and LGBT Committee. "Faith Communities and the Well-Being of LGBT Youth." Group for the Advancement of Psychiatry, 2020.

Rafia, Kaz. "Quality Oral Health for the LGBTQ+ Population: Three ways that providers can support equal access to care." Inside Dentistry, Vol. 20, No. 1, January 2024.

Smith, Ronald. "Is it time for a Catholic charter school movement?" Black Catholic Messenger, January 8, 2023.

Springtide. "Building Belonging at School: Religion-Focused Environments." Springtide Research Institute, January 23, 2024.

Steidl Jack, Jason. "In remembering the Holocaust, the Catholic Church must also confront its homophobia." Outreach, January 26, 2024.

Steyer, Jim, host. "This is a crisis" [interview]. Heathy Young Minds with U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy (Part 1). Common Sense Media for Families, 2023.

Steyer, Jim, host. "You're not alone" [interview]. Heathy Young Minds with U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy (Part 2). Common Sense Media for Families, 2023.

Steyer, Jim, host. "Loneliness is a health issue" [interview]. Heathy Young Minds with U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy (Part 3). Common Sense Media for Families, 2023.

The Trevor Project. Perceived Life Expectancy and Life Purpose in LGBTQ+ Young People. The Trevor Project, January 17, 2024.

Tushnet, Eve. "Pastoral Practice After Fiducia Supplicans." University of Notre Dame, Church Life Journal, January 19, 2024.

Walsh, Julia. For Love of the Broken Body. Monkfish Book Publishing, 2024.

Walton, Greg. "Making LGBTQ+ Parish Ministries Work" [video series]. YouTube, 2023.

Weinandy, Thomas. What Does it Mean for Doctrine to Develop?" Catholic Answers, May 2, 2020.

Woodward, Kenneth. "The End of Joy in College Education." America, January 29, 2024.

Zagano, Phyllis. "To bless or not to bless?" National Catholic Reporter, January 31, 2024.

• The Family Acceptance Project (FAP) is updating their family education booklets that are Best Practice resources for Suicide Prevention. These multilingual booklets have helped thousands of families to decrease rejection and increase support for LGBTQ people. As part of this work, FAP is producing a new version of the booklet for Catholic families with LGBTQ young people and is reaching out to invite Catholic LGBTQ people and families to share family photos that could be included in this new publication. For more information or to share photos, contact fap@sfsu.edu.

• The Family Acceptance Project (FAP) is inviting Asian, Black, Latino, Indigenous and multiracial parents and caregivers who have parented LGBTQ young people to participate on a parent advisory group for a new family support study. The new study will provide FAP’s family support services free online to help racially diverse parents who are struggling with their child's LGBTQ identity to decrease rejection and increase family support and well-being. Parent advisory group members will provide guidance on implementing the project. Here’s a brief survey to apply for the group. For more info about FAP contact fap@sfsu.edu.

• Future of Faith develops and curates resources to help connect current and future generations with their faith lives. It’s a no strings attached gift to all those in ministry who want to listen better and lead the future of the church by creating relational, inclusive spaces. Right now, they’ve got a newsletter highlighting some really innovative ministries and Sacred Listening Tools that are free to download. Josh Packard (josh@futureofaith.org) and Megan Bissell (megan@futureofaith.org) lead this beautiful effort and would love to hear from you.

• Fortunate Families continues to offer specialized training in the Ministry of Accompaniment to transgender persons. This ministry is an expression of the commitment to trans* persons as members of the Body of Christ. Essential to this commitment is understanding the many issues that affect personal and spiritual well-being.

• New Ways Ministry is sponsoring a three-day retreat with Fr. James Alison in Racine, Wisconsin from Friday, February 16 to Sunday, February 18, 2024. The retreat is for LGBTQ+ people, family, friends, and pastoral ministers. More information is available here.

• To coincide with the total solar eclipse in April, Saint Christopher Journeys and Still Point Theatre Collective are hosting a conference from April 6–8 on Science, Art, and Faith Aligning. There will be a breakout session on Supporting Transgender Youth. The conference will take place at Saint Mary of the Woods College in Indiana.

• The 2024 Outreach LGBTQ Catholic ministry conference will be held at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C., from August 2-4. More information will be forthcoming.

January 2024

December 2023

November 2023

October 2023 (1st monthly edition)

September 14, 2023

Older editions

Without Exception is a no-cost ministry network for people in Catholic secondary education and related fields of ministry. The goal is to offer helpful networking and resources to accompany our LGBTQ+ students and colleagues with the love of Jesus Christ and his church. Please respect privacy and confidentiality concerning the persons and schools connected to our network. The strength of this work is sustained by the trust among members.

Without Exception is a global network of Catholic secondary educators dedicated to discerning the art of accompaniment for LGBTQ+ students in Catholic schools. Through a commitment to faithful dialogue and peer collaboration, we seek to understand what it means to share the love of Jesus Christ with every person, without exception.

Email: info@withoutexception.net

Website: www.withoutexception.net