RESPECT

Mrs. Urquhart

Julie Urquhart

School Adjustment Counselor, M.Ed., LMHC

Woburn Public Schools

Shamrock Memorial Elementary School

Email: Jurquhart@woburnps.com
Location: 60 Green Street
Phone: 7819378241
Twitter: @MrsUrquhartsac

*The intention of this newsletter is to inform parents/caregivers about the Character Trait of the Month for September (RESPECT) and to highlight what students will be learning during my SEL lessons. Resources and at home activities have also been compiled for parents throughout this newsletter.*

SOCIAL & EMOTIONAL LEARNING

Social and emotional learning (SEL) provides an array of benefits. Not only can it increase students’ academic achievement, but SEL activities can build students’ self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making. All of these skills are important for students’ academic, social, and eventually, professional lives.

Once a month I will be visiting each class and teaching a lesson on the character trait of the month. September's character trait is Repect. I will also be teaching additional social and emotional lessons in classrooms periodically/when a classroom is in need of support.

This month, I will be visiting classrooms and teaching a lesson about this month's character trait: Respect. We will read a book and or watch a video (selected book and videos will vary from grade to grade), have interactive classroom discussions and will do an activity while at the same time, encouraging teamwork and collaboration. Students will learn and discuss different ways we show respect in school, at home, in our communities, toward one another and toward ourselves.

What does the Character Trait RESPECT mean?

Teaching respect in the classroom helps students succeed. When children are able to treat each other respectfully, they respond to direction and instruction in a positive way. In effect, they are more likely to succeed in academics. Distractions and behavioral disruptions are lessened. Communication lines open and are more relaxed. This makes for a more conducive learning environment.

Why is RESPECT important?

Receiving respect from others is important because it helps us to feel safe and to express ourselves. Being respected by important people in our lives growing up teaches us how to be respectful toward others. Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they’re different from you or you don’t agree with them. Respect in your relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and wellbeing. Respect doesn’t have to come naturally – it is something you learn.

Respect is caring enough to consider how words and actions impact others. Having respect is when you feel good about someone because of how they act. Showing respect is when you care how your actions impact others.

What does RESPECT look like?

Think about all the different situations in life where you have to get along with others – how do you know if there’s respect in your relationship?

1. You feel safe being around each other.

2.You know it's OK for both of you to express who you are.

3.When you disagree you listen to each other and be patient.

4. You don't yell or talk over another.

5.Neither of you are controlling the other person's voices.

6. You both talk openly about your needs and wants.

7. You both give the other person space if they need it.

8. You can both admit when you have made a mistake.

Being respectful means you act in a way that shows care for how your actions may impact others. We can show respect for people, places, and things. For example:

Using kind or polite words even when you're upset
Using manners like sharing, waiting your turn, saying please and thank you
Accepting difference or at least disagreeing with kind words
Being careful not to damage places or things
Using a quiet voice or calm behavior in public places
Sharing resources, only taking what you really need
Holding doors for others

Respect means you care enough to think about how you impact others.

"What is respect" is a big concept to grasp. You might hear about having respect or showing respect. At the heart of respect is caring. In simple words, respect is caring how words and actions may impact others. Respect has two parts: 1) having respect for someone because of how their actions impact others and 2) showing respect by changing your actions to be sure you don't have a negative impact.

Don’t forget to have respect for yourself too!

Being respectful toward others is one part of the puzzle. It’s also important to have respect for yourself too. Remember that you are valued and you matter. What you think and feel is just as important as what somebody else thinks and feels.

Ways to teach and encourage RESPECT

1. Model Respect. Children often watch their caregivers looking for clues defining the expectations. If they see parents and teachers treating one another with respect, they will do the same.
2. Discuss Respect. As children grow, talk about the way we treat others. Focus on the words we use (yes, ma’am; yes, sir; please; and thank you), and the attitudes we portray. Explain the expectation of respect for others demonstrated in both attitude and behavior.
3. Teach Turn-Taking. Turn-taking is a skill needed in all aspects of life. Helping children to patiently wait for a turn to speak encourages respectful listening. Encouraging children to wait for their turn in line or their turn for a toy develops an attitude of patience and respect.
4. Teach Polite Responses. Infants and young toddlers can begin learning how to use ASL sign language to communicate words like, “please” and “thank you.” At Stepping Stone School, we begin teaching these ASL signs in our infant classrooms and continue to build upon these important phrases throughout the years. As children begin vocalizing, adding phrases to their vocabulary like, “excuse me,” “no, thank you,” and “yes, ma’am/sir” continues to encourage an attitude of respect.
5. Praise Respectful Behavior: When children demonstrate good manners and respect to others, give specific praise for the positive choices they are making.
6. Discuss with them the definition of respect – Ask your child what respect means to them. Share with them what it means to you.
7. Ask about a time they practices respect – what did they do? How did it make them feel? Conversely, ask about a time when someone may have shown a lack of respect toward your child. How did that make them feel?
8. Discuss some things you could do as a family to show respect- How can you practice respect within your own family? Are their ways you can show respect to others in your community?
9. As always, one of the ways children learn best is by watching you. Be a good role model by showing respect for your children, your spouse and others.

Children are not born with RESPECT. They learn RESPECT.

1. Examine Yourself

That’s right. Before you can go about teaching your child respect, you’ve got to take stock of your own life. Are you quick to become angry? Do you find yourself criticizing other people in front of your child? Do you yell a lot? While each parent has a different personality and style of parenting, most experts agree that you aren’t going to teach your child much if you’re critical and angry all the time. So take a step back. Look at these behaviors — why you do them and how your child responds — and then begin to brainstorm some alternative responses for the situations that prompt these disrespectful behaviors.

2. Examine Your Home Life

Are you and your spouse modeling respect between each other? If a child sees a lack of respect between their parents, it can be harder for them to grasp the concept and its importance. Also, stop and look at your daily routine. Do most of the interactions you have with your child revolve around discipline and teaching behaviors? Perhaps its time to take a step back from this tactic and focus on modeling love. When a child grasps the connection between love and behavior — “I behave because I love you” — then the concept of respect won’t be far behind.

3. Model Respect at Home and in Public

If you want your child to understand what respect is, then be a living, breathing example for them. Yes, respect is about more than behavior, but your child is going to learn about what’s in your heart by what you say and do. If you’re at the grocery store, be kind and courteous to the cashier. If you have a problem, discuss it with polite, calm tones and never criticize the person you’re interacting with. Refrain from engaging in gossip. Find positive, uplifting things to say about the other adults they are around each day.

4. Monkey See, Monkey Do

In the heat of the moment, it can be tempting to stoop to your child’s level and just let out a good scream. You might begin a five-minute tirade about their “disrespectful behavior” and what an embarrassment they are. All because your child pitched a tantrum. There’s not a parent who hasn’t been tempted to join in a good old fashioned temper tantrum at some point, but resist this urge with all your strength. If your child sees you giving in to your emotions, then they’ll continue to do the same. Instead, speak in a low, calm voice reminding them that their behavior is not okay and you think they need a timeout to think about how they can do it differently next time.

5. Change Your Vocabulary

Beginning when your child is young, start talking about respect. Whenever you have a discussion about family rules, find ways to incorporate “respect” into them. For example, if your child hits you, calmly say, “We don’t hit in this house. We treat each other with respect.” A two-year-old may not know exactly what that means, but the more you use the word and reinforce it with examples such as not hitting, the more they will come to understand that if they love someone, they will refrain from certain behaviors. Besides that, they’ll recognize respect — or a lack thereof — in other places and learn to differentiate between good and not-so-good behaviors when they’re away from home.

6. Don’t Take It Personally

Children are going to test their limits. And just when you start to think they’ve finally learned, they’ll start testing them all over again. Testing limits is a normal, natural part of childhood. This is not a display of disrespect. And it is not an indication of a parental shortcoming on your end. When your child refuses to do homework or tries to manipulate you into allowing television on a school night, refrain from equating their behavior with a lack of respect. Their tone may be disrespectful or their choice of words may not be wise, but the need to assert their independence and test boundaries is not a display of disrespect.

7. Set Limitations

Just because you are emphasizing love alongside respect doesn’t mean you shouldn’t create and enforce limits with your child. In fact, creating and enforcing reasonable limitations for your child as they grow is a loving, respectful thing to do. What does this look like?

Imagine that you’ve taken your six-year-old daughter to a local big box store to spend the $5 she earned watering her grandmother’s plants over spring break. When you arrive at the store, she is immediately overwhelmed by all of the displays around the front door. Before she can reach the toy section, she spots a bright display of nail polish and starts begging for a bottle. You remind her about her mission to buy a toy, but she isn’t listening. Before long, she is laying on the floor in full-blown tantrum mode. Because this behavior is unacceptable, you bend down, pick her up and say, “You cannot behave this way in the store. It is disrespectful toward me and the other people in the store. Either you settle down or we go home.” She looks at you and continues to scream. So, you pick her up again and walk out the door. She does not get a toy — or nail polish.

8. Talk About It Later

In some cases, such as the one we described above, it may not be a good time to talk to your child about respect. In the heat of the moment, they may be too angry to grasp what you’re saying. Or, you may be too angry to turn it into a teachable moment. When this happens, it’s helpful to revisit the incident later once you’ve both had a chance to calm down. Then you can look back on the situation and point out disrespectful behaviors and ways it could be handled differently in the future.

This is actually a fun activity to teach respect because it also promotes quality time and good communication between a parent and a child. Spending time reflecting over your day — both the good and bad parts — can go a long way toward strengthening your relationship and establishing a bond that will serve you well as your child grows. And having fun together is a great way to build the bond — and respect! — between a parent and a child.

9. Don’t Forget to Praise Good Behavior

One of the most effective ways to demonstrate respect is to point it out when it happens. If you notice your child displaying respect toward a sibling or friend, point it out. Tell them how kind they were and that you’re proud of them for showing respect in that situation. If you’re out somewhere with your child and the two of you observe someone else acting in a notably respectful way to someone else, make sure to point it out and talk to your children about what they’d do in a similar situation. Even observing good behavior in characters in movies or television shows can be a good way to draw attention to the topic.

10. Be Patient

Children aren’t born respecting their parents and those around them. Respect is built over time with loving, careful attention. Although the days sometimes seem very long, you only have 18 short years with your child. Don’t waste them obsessing over the idea of respect. The best thing you can do is lovingly, patiently model respect for your child day-after-day. And, in the meantime, enjoy the time you have with them!

Teaching children about respect for self and peers is so important. This can also be accomplished through both videos and Books. Here are a few that will be sure to grab your child's attention and open up the conversation to ways respect can be shown and demonstrated.

Whether it's respecting strangers, someone else's wishes, sharing with others, or allowing others to be themselves, the following videos and books all teach wonderful lessons about respect, and how to integrate it into every day life.