SAC Corner

Ways to Ask

• "You know, when people are as upset as you seem to be, they sometimes wish they were dead. I’m wondering if you’re feeling that way too?”
• “Do you ever wish you could go to sleep and never wake up?”
• “Have you ever wanted to stop living?”
• “You look pretty miserable. Are you thinking of killing yourself?”
• “Are you thinking about suicide?”
• “Will you go with me to see a counselor?” (or a priest, minister, school nurse, psychologist, or whatever kind of professional they are willing to see)
• “Will you let me help you make an appointment with…?”
• “I want you to live. Won’t you please stay alive until we can get you some help?”
• “Who else would you like to know that you’re feeling this bad?”
  
  

Tips

• Persist in statements that suicide is not a good solution and suggest that better alternatives can be found.
• Focus on healthy solutions to problems, not the suicide solution.
• Accept the reality of the person’s pain, but offer alternatives.
• Show respect.
• Collaborate with the person and assure them of your ongoing support.
• Offer hope in any form and in any way.
• The best referrals are when you personally make an appointment and take the person you are worried about to a mental health provider or other appropriate professional.
• The next best referral is when the person agrees to see a professional and you help them make the appointment, so that you can follow up later to learn that they actually kept the appointment.
• The third best referral is getting the person to agree to accept help, even if in the future, and providing them specific referral information.

Direct Verbal Cues:

• “I’ve decided to kill myself.”
• “I wish I were dead.”
• “I’m going to commit suicide.”
• “I’m going to end it all.”
• “If (such and such) happens, I’ll kill myself.”

• “I’m tired of life.”
• “What’s the point of going on?”
• “My family would be better off without me.”
• “Who cares if I’m dead anyways?”
• “I can’t go on anymore.”
• “I just want out.”
• “I’m not the (man/woman/person) I used to be.”
• “I’m calling it quits, living is useless.”
• “Soon I won’t be around.”

➢ Question phrasing example:
◦ Bad: “You’re not thinking of hurting yourself, are you?”
◦ Better: “Are you thinking of harming yourself?”
◦ Best: “Sometimes when people have had your experiences and feelings they
have thoughts of suicide. Is this something that you’re thinking about?

➢ It’s difficult and uncomfortable to talk about. We need to overcome a world of taboo, stigma, fear, and ignorance so that we can act fast and take bold and direct action to save a life.
◦ Linguists have found that “impolite subjects” such as sex and suicide lead
people to use a highly specialized language to discuss more comfortably. This
usually isn’t the best or most direct approach.

◦ Imagine you were suicidal. How might you try to initiate a conversation with
someone about a sense of personal despair and mental pain so severe that ending
your own consciousness seems to be the only path to relief? What words do you
say or text? What words would you avoid?

➢ To avoid laughter or ridicule (from stigma), a suicidal person often uses indirect language. Ex. “You will all be better off without me.” rather than “I’m going to kill myself.”

• “That’s just stupid”
• “You don’t mean that”
• “You’re just looking for attention”
• Go silent.
• Avert glance.
• Change the conversation
• “Well I’ve got to get going”
• “Do you want to hurt yourself?”
• “How are you feeling?”
• Ask for a commitment to “being suicidal”
• Interrupt
• Rush to judgement or condemnation

➢ PAL: Plan, Access, Lethality - these are the three key things we need to be able to
assess from our conversation with the student
◦ Is there a specific time/place/method they intend to kill themselves? (Plan)
◦ Current Stress level (Lethality)
◦ Availability of method (Access)
◦ Are they any past attempts? (Lethality)

➢ QPR: Question, Persuade, Refer - three steps anyone, regardless of qualifications, can learn and carry out to help save a life from suicide.
◦ QPR is an emergency mental health intervention created in 1995 by Paul
Quinnett
◦ Gatekeeper - anyone (likely friend, family, teacher, etc.) who are strategically
positioned (likely by proximity to the person) to recognize and refer someone at
risk of suicide
◦ Question a person about suicide; do they have thoughts, feelings, or plans?
◦ Persuade someone to get help; “Let me help.” “Come with me to find help.”
◦ Refer someone to the appropriate resource

• Asking the suicide question DOES NOT increase risk.
• Listen. Talking things out can save a life.
• Don’t try to do everything yourself. Get others (appropriately) involved.
• Don’t promise secrecy and don’t worry about being disloyal.
• If persuasion fails, call emergency services (parents, PerformCare, 911)
• There is an involuntary treatment law that can force refusing person(s) to receive help
• If you believe someone is in the process of making a suicide attempt in the present moment, call 911.
• Suicide thoughts are common. Threats and attempts are less common. All more frequent, still, than most people realize.
• Suicide is the most common psychiatric emergency and a leading cause of death in America and around the world

Email: hpenna@haddonfield.k12.nj.us
Website: https://haddonfieldschools.org/
Location: A104 HMHS
Phone: 856-429-3960 . 1155