Dear Parkway Families,
As we enter November, I want to share something I have been thinking about lately, both as an educator and as a parent.
When our children are upset, frustrated, or disappointed, our natural instinct is often to make those feelings go away. We tell them to take a deep breath, calm down, or move on. We do this with the best intentions. We want our children to be happy and resilient.
But what if, in our effort to help children feel better, we sometimes miss an opportunity to help them understand themselves?
I recently read an article by Erika Bocknek titled We're Stuck on the Wrong Question About SEL in Early Childhood. The author reminds us that emotions provide valuable information. Rather than focusing solely on helping children control their reactions, we should help them understand what they are feeling and why.
Consider a child who comes home upset because a friend didn't include them at recess. Our instinct might be to say, "Don't worry about it. Play with someone else tomorrow." While reasonable advice, it skips an important step. Imagine instead saying, "That sounds like it really bothered you. Tell me what happened."
That small change can open the door to a meaningful conversation.
Here are a few simple ways to put this thinking into practice at home:
Listen before you solve. Give your child time to explain what happened before offering advice.
Don't minimize their feelings. What seems small to us can feel enormous to a child.
Get curious. Ask questions like, "What was the hardest part?" or "What do you wish had happened differently?"
Problem-solve together. Help your child consider what they might do next rather than immediately fixing the situation.
Of course, feelings and behavior are two different things. All feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviors are. A child can be angry with a sibling, but hitting is still not okay. We can acknowledge the emotion while maintaining clear expectations for how we treat others.
Perhaps my favorite takeaway from the article is that emotional growth happens through relationships, not simply through lessons about feelings. Children develop confidence and resilience when the adults in their lives listen, take their concerns seriously, and help them navigate difficult moments.
As we approach Thanksgiving, I hope we can all find opportunities to slow down, listen a little longer, and remember that our children don't always need us to make difficult feelings disappear. Sometimes, they simply need us to help them make sense of those feelings.
Wishing you and your families a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Take care,
Suzanne Barbi
