What do you do when making the hard decision seems to have a negative impact no matter what you decide? Do you focus on what brought you to needing to make the decision, is it about the decision itself, or is it about the potential outcome of the decision? Truth is, it is about all three things. This is a critical lesson for our scholars, and everyday life gives us the opportunity to model to them what to do when the hard decisions look back at us in the mirror every morning before our coffee, tea, or energy drink has gotten the chance to "wake us up" and face the day.
Determining what got us to the point of making the hard decision allows us to put things and systems in place to try to make sure that this tough decision doesn’t come knocking on our door again. In making the decision, we typically rely on the old-fashioned T-chart, weighing the pros and cons. The problem with this is that simply looking at the pros and cons doesn't tell us all of the information needed to make an informed decision. And, in some cases, a "pro" could actually be a "con" depending on who is reading the list or your mindset at the point in which you are making the hard choices. Regardless of the pros and cons of the decision, there is ultimately an outcome from the hard choice.
As many of you know, our district is currently facing a significant financial crisis. Painful choices about resource allocation, staffing, and schools/programs have been a part of an on going conversation; there is no easy path forward—every option affects people, programs, and opportunities we care deeply about. In these moments, it isn't about finding the choice that makes everyone happy (it simply does not exist); it’s about finding the choice aligned with our core purpose: the safety, growth, and long-term well-being of ALL of our students as a whole.
While these macro-level decisions play out at the district level, I am reminded that our scholars are navigating their own high-stakes choices every single day in the hallways, classrooms, and online. Like knowing a friend is struggling or engaging in unsafe behavior, and having to decide whether to get help from an adult or keep a secret to protect the friendship. Being asked to cover for a classmate, knowing they are making a wrong choice, but fearing being called "fake" for betraying their friend's confidence. Or perhaps admitting to a mistake when blaming someone else or staying quiet would be much easier in the short term.
For our scholars these choices feel every bit as monumental as a district budget meeting feels to an administrator. When young people watch how the adults around them navigate hardship, conflict, and impossible trade-offs, they are learning the blueprint for their own integrity. When the standard pros-and-cons list falls short we reflect on the conditions that led to the dilemma so we can build better systems, habits, or boundaries moving forward. When every choice has a downside, we filter our decision through our core values—honesty, safety, and long-term vision—rather than short-term comfort or popularity. And, we acknowledge that hard choices often come with short-term discomfort. Real time decision decision making also means showing empathy for those affected while standing firm on why the decision was necessary.
I encourage you to bring this conversation to your dinner table or morning commute this week. Ask your child: "What's a decision you had to make recently where both options felt hard?" Talk openly about how tough choices are a normal part of growing up and leading a meaningful life. Remind them of the process when making a tough choice and assure them that you know what it's like to be between a rock and a hard place. Leave them with no matter what they do, their decision must ensure that they remain safe and that the outcomes of their decision - when made correctly, will ultimately have a positive impact even though the situation is negative at that moment.
It may seem dark, let them know, however, there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel if they look far enough ahead.
