Raising resilient children can be a daunting task. And while we all want our children to be successful, setting them up for success in 2023 is often an overwhelming task. One parenting expert says to start by putting less emphasis on wins, practicing patience, giving grace, and redefining success. Many children today struggle with their mental health, causing them to have a lack of confidence that can impact them in so many ways and often impacts them in the long run.
Here are some tips to build confidence in your children and build a stronger relationship with them at the same time.
1. Listen to your children. Instead of jumping in with solutions when they may have a problem, practice listening. Do not try to “fix” their problem. Often, these problems allow them the opportunity to learn and grow in a meaningful and long-term way. Listening also helps to create trust and allows for vulnerability in a relationship. Remember, the teenager years are for progress. Ultimately, you need to let children figure things out for themselves and remember that setbacks are part of growth.
2. Catch them doing little things right. Celebrate the small wins, which will slowly amount to big ones. Be encouraging about everything from homework to doing the dishes—daily habits that instill helpful skills and values. Chores are also important for teaching children personal responsibility.
3. Seek to understand. Feeling frustrated? Feeling the urge to raise your voice or make the same old threat about consequences? Take and breath and ask your child why they decided to act that way and respond from there. Shift your mindset to "I'm here for you. I want to understand your struggles."
4. Get curious about what’s actually causing the behavior. Slamming the door, while very disrespectful, may also stem from something completely unrelated and signal frustration, hurt, or embarrassment. Try to understand why certain emotions and actions take place. Kids are more likely to listen and share when they feel heard.
5. Practice the parenting pause. This one is just as it sounds. When you want to react out of emotion, stop, breathe, and then respond.
6. Praise character more than results. Recognize that a child’s character and effort is much more important than the actual results that occur. One author said, “When kids attach their confidence and success to things they can control, like effort and character, they’re unstoppable.” Focusing on results may cause children to work less diligently. Instead, praise them with action verbs based on their effort.
7. Lead by example. It is so important to be the example you hope your kids will emulate and get clear on what success looks like. Success will look different for all of us. Communicate what it looks like to you and remind your child often that success ultimately comes back to the kind of person that you are deep down and how you treat other people.
