The Weekly Update #4

The holiday season can be a wonderful time filled with family, traditions, celebrations, and special memories. However, it can also bring changes in routines, increased expectations, family stress, financial concerns, travel, and strong emotions. For children and teens, these changes can sometimes feel overwhelming.

As parents and caregivers, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children during the holidays is emotional support, connection, and understanding.

Remember: The Holidays Can Bring Many Feelings

Children and teenagers may experience excitement and happiness while also feeling anxious, lonely, disappointed, overwhelmed, or sad. Holidays can also remind children of changes or losses within their families.

Try creating space for your child to talk about how they are feeling without immediately trying to solve the problem.

Instead of asking only, “Are you having fun?” try:

• “How are you feeling about the holidays this year?”
• “What are you looking forward to?”
• “Is there anything about this time of year that feels difficult?”
• “How can I support you?”

Sometimes, simply listening and letting your child know that their feelings are okay can make a meaningful difference.

Keep Some Routines

Although holiday schedules may change, children and teens often benefit from maintaining familiar routines whenever possible.

Try to maintain reasonable expectations around:

• Sleep
• Meals
• Physical activity
• Medication schedules, when applicable
• Screen time
• Quiet or downtime
• Regular check-ins with trusted adults

A little structure can provide a sense of safety and predictability during a busy season.

Make Time to Slow Down

The holidays do not have to be perfect.

Children can become overwhelmed when there are too many activities, social events, expectations, and changes happening at once. Build opportunities for quiet time into the day.

Encourage activities such as:

Taking a walk • Listening to music • Reading • Drawing • Journaling • Deep breathing • Watching a favorite movie together • Spending time with a pet • Simply sitting together

Sometimes the most meaningful moments are the simplest ones.

Connection Over Perfection

Children rarely remember whether everything was perfect. They are more likely to remember how they felt.

Make time to connect without distractions. Put the phones away for a few minutes. Share a meal. Play a game. Cook together. Look at old photographs. Talk about favorite family traditions.

Even a few minutes of positive, undivided attention can strengthen your child's sense of belonging and security.

Practice Gratitude...Without Dismissing Feelings

Gratitude can be a wonderful tool for promoting positive mental health. Invite your family to share one thing they appreciated that day.

At the same time, remember that gratitude should never be used to dismiss difficult emotions.

A child can be grateful and sad.
A teenager can be excited and anxious.
Someone can love their family and need some space.

All feelings can exist together.

Be Mindful of Grief and Loss

For some children, the holidays may bring memories of someone who is no longer present, a family separation, a change in living arrangements, or another significant loss.

Allow children to remember and talk about the person or situation without feeling that they need to “move on” simply because it is a holiday.

Consider creating a meaningful family tradition to honor memories—lighting a candle, preparing a favorite recipe, looking through photographs, listening to a favorite song, or sharing a special story.

Know When Your Child May Need Additional Support

Pay attention to significant or persistent changes in your child's behavior or mood, including:

• Withdrawal from family or friends
• Significant changes in sleep or appetite
• Increased irritability or anger
• Persistent sadness or anxiety
• Loss of interest in activities they usually enjoy
• Declining school functioning
• Increased risk-taking or behavioral concerns
• Expressions of hopelessness or feeling that life is not worth living

If you notice concerning changes, reach out to your child's school counselor, mental health professional, pediatrician, or another trusted professional.

If your child is in immediate danger or expresses an intention to harm themselves or someone else, seek emergency assistance right away.

The Greatest Gift

This holiday season, remember that your child does not need a perfect parent, a perfect home, or a perfect holiday.

They need to know:

“I see you.”
“I hear you.”
“Your feelings matter.”
“You don't have to handle everything alone.”
“I am here for you.”

From all of us on the Mental Health Team, we wish you and your family a peaceful, safe, and meaningful holiday season.

May this season bring opportunities to connect, reflect, heal, laugh, and create memories together.

Take care of yourself, too. Your mental health matters.

The holiday season can be a wonderful time filled with family, traditions, celebrations, and special memories. However, it can also bring changes in routines, increased expectations, family stress, financial concerns, travel, and strong emotions. For children and teens, these changes can sometimes feel overwhelming.

As parents and caregivers, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children during the holidays is emotional support, connection, and understanding.

Remember: The Holidays Can Bring Many Feelings

Children and teenagers may experience excitement and happiness while also feeling anxious, lonely, disappointed, overwhelmed, or sad. Holidays can also remind children of changes or losses within their families.

Try creating space for your child to talk about how they are feeling without immediately trying to solve the problem.

Instead of asking only, “Are you having fun?” try:

• “How are you feeling about the holidays this year?”
• “What are you looking forward to?”
• “Is there anything about this time of year that feels difficult?”
• “How can I support you?”

Sometimes, simply listening and letting your child know that their feelings are okay can make a meaningful difference.

Keep Some Routines

Although holiday schedules may change, children and teens often benefit from maintaining familiar routines whenever possible.

Try to maintain reasonable expectations around:

• Sleep
• Meals
• Physical activity
• Medication schedules, when applicable
• Screen time
• Quiet or downtime
• Regular check-ins with trusted adults

A little structure can provide a sense of safety and predictability during a busy season.

Make Time to Slow Down

The holidays do not have to be perfect.

Children can become overwhelmed when there are too many activities, social events, expectations, and changes happening at once. Build opportunities for quiet time into the day.

Encourage activities such as:

Taking a walk • Listening to music • Reading • Drawing • Journaling • Deep breathing • Watching a favorite movie together • Spending time with a pet • Simply sitting together

Sometimes the most meaningful moments are the simplest ones.

Connection Over Perfection

Children rarely remember whether everything was perfect. They are more likely to remember how they felt.

Make time to connect without distractions. Put the phones away for a few minutes. Share a meal. Play a game. Cook together. Look at old photographs. Talk about favorite family traditions.

Even a few minutes of positive, undivided attention can strengthen your child's sense of belonging and security.

Practice Gratitude...Without Dismissing Feelings

Gratitude can be a wonderful tool for promoting positive mental health. Invite your family to share one thing they appreciated that day.

At the same time, remember that gratitude should never be used to dismiss difficult emotions.

A child can be grateful and sad.
A teenager can be excited and anxious.
Someone can love their family and need some space.

All feelings can exist together.

Be Mindful of Grief and Loss

For some children, the holidays may bring memories of someone who is no longer present, a family separation, a change in living arrangements, or another significant loss.

Allow children to remember and talk about the person or situation without feeling that they need to “move on” simply because it is a holiday.

Consider creating a meaningful family tradition to honor memories—lighting a candle, preparing a favorite recipe, looking through photographs, listening to a favorite song, or sharing a special story.

Know When Your Child May Need Additional Support

Pay attention to significant or persistent changes in your child's behavior or mood, including:

• Withdrawal from family or friends
• Significant changes in sleep or appetite
• Increased irritability or anger
• Persistent sadness or anxiety
• Loss of interest in activities they usually enjoy
• Declining school functioning
• Increased risk-taking or behavioral concerns
• Expressions of hopelessness or feeling that life is not worth living

If you notice concerning changes, reach out to your child's school counselor, mental health professional, pediatrician, or another trusted professional.

If your child is in immediate danger or expresses an intention to harm themselves or someone else, seek emergency assistance right away.

The Greatest Gift

This holiday season, remember that your child does not need a perfect parent, a perfect home, or a perfect holiday.

They need to know:

“I see you.”
“I hear you.”
“Your feelings matter.”
“You don't have to handle everything alone.”
“I am here for you.”

From all of us on the Mental Health Team, we wish you and your family a peaceful, safe, and meaningful holiday season.

May this season bring opportunities to connect, reflect, heal, laugh, and create memories together.

Take care of yourself, too. Your mental health matters.

The holidays are often portrayed as a season of joy, togetherness, and family connection. Yet for many children and adolescents experiencing anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism, behavioral challenges, developmental differences, trauma, grief, or other mental health concerns, holiday celebrations can feel very different.

Crowded rooms, loud conversations, unfamiliar people, changes in routine, family expectations, and emotional reminders can create significant stress.

From a mental health perspective, one of the most important gifts we can give our children during the holidays is the opportunity to belong without having to hide their challenges.

Inclusion Is a Mental Health Need

Inclusion is about more than inviting your child to the family gathering.

It is about helping your child experience:

"I am part of this family."
"My feelings matter."
"I am accepted."
"I don't have to be perfect to belong."

Children and adolescents who already struggle with self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or feeling different may be especially sensitive to being excluded from family activities.

When a child repeatedly hears, "You can't come because you'll ruin it," they may begin to internalize the belief that they are the problem.

Instead, we can communicate:

"We want you here. Let's figure out what will help you participate."

That message supports emotional security, self-worth, and connection.

Practical Coping Activities for Holiday Events

Coping strategies work best when children have practiced them before they are overwhelmed. Parents can choose a few simple activities that match their child's age, abilities, and preferences.

1. Create a Holiday Coping Kit

Let your child help choose items for a small bag they can bring to gatherings.

Ideas include:

• Headphones or earplugs
• A favorite small object
• Fidget toys
• Coloring materials
• A small notebook
• Stress ball
• Water bottle
• Comfort item
• Chewing gum or another appropriate sensory aid
• A card with coping reminders

The goal isn't to hide the child from the celebration. The kit provides tools that can help the child remain connected while managing stress.

2. Practice "5-4-3-2-1" Grounding

When anxiety starts to build, help your child focus on the present moment.

Ask them to identify:

5 things they can see
4 things they can feel
3 things they can hear
2 things they can smell
1 thing they can taste

Practice this at home first so it becomes familiar when they need it.

3. Try "Smell the Cocoa, Cool the Cocoa"

For younger children, breathing exercises can be turned into an activity.

Say:

"Pretend you're smelling hot chocolate."

Slowly breathe in through the nose.

Then:

"Now pretend you're cooling it down."

Slowly breathe out.

Repeat several times.

The playful imagery can make slow breathing less intimidating and easier for children to remember.

4. Use a Feelings Scale

Create a simple 1–5 feelings scale:

1 — I'm calm
2 — I'm okay
3 — I'm getting uncomfortable
4 — I need a break
5 — I'm overwhelmed

Before the event, decide what happens at each level.

For example:

Level 3: Get water and check in with a parent.
Level 4: Move to a quiet space for 10 minutes.
Level 5: Leave the event if necessary.

This gives children a way to communicate before their emotions become overwhelming.

5. Establish a Secret "I Need a Break" Signal

Some children may feel embarrassed saying, "I'm overwhelmed."

Create a private signal together.

It could be:

• A hand gesture
• A specific word
• Touching the parent's hand
• Sending a text
• Showing a small card

The signal tells the parent:

"I need help, but I don't want to explain it right now."

6. Take a Movement Break

Emotional stress can build physically.

A short movement break can help some children reset.

Try:

• Walking outside
• Stretching
• Doing wall pushes
• Taking a few laps around the house
• Dancing to one song
• Gentle jumping or movement
• Playing with a pet

The goal is not exercise for exercise's sake. It is giving the child an opportunity to release tension and reset their nervous system.

7. Create a Quiet Corner

Before the gathering begins, identify a quieter location.

Make it clear that the child can use it without being punished.

A quiet space might include:

• Lower lighting
• A comfortable chair
• Headphones
• Books
• Sensory items
• A blanket
• Drawing materials

Tell your child:

"This is your reset space. You can use it whenever you need to."

8. Use a "First–Then" Plan

For children who struggle with transitions, simplify expectations.

Instead of:

"You need to stay here and visit with everyone."

Try:

"First we'll eat dinner. Then you can take a break."

Or:

"First we'll open one present. Then we'll have quiet time."

Predictable sequences can make unfamiliar or demanding situations feel more manageable.

9. Practice Positive Self-Talk

Help your child develop a few phrases they can repeat when anxiety increases.

Examples:

• "I can take a break."
• "I don't have to do everything."
• "I am safe."
• "I can ask for help."
• "This feeling will pass."
• "I can take this one step at a time."

For younger children, turn the phrase into a small card they can keep in their pocket.

10. Build a "Holiday Choice Menu"

Instead of expecting your child to participate in everything, offer choices.

For example:

Would you like to:

☐ Help decorate
☐ Play a game
☐ Sit with the family
☐ Help serve food
☐ Watch a movie
☐ Talk with one relative
☐ Take a quiet break
☐ Do something else

Choice can reduce the feeling of being trapped while still encouraging participation.

After the Event: Help Your Child Process

The conversation shouldn't end when the family gathering does.

Later, when your child is calm, ask:

"What went well?"

"What was difficult?"

"What helped?"

"What should we do differently next time?"

Avoid turning the conversation into a critique of everything your child did wrong.

Instead, look for learning.

If your child successfully recognized that they were overwhelmed and asked for a break, celebrate that skill.

That is emotional regulation in action.

Parents Need Coping Strategies Too

Parents can become overwhelmed during holiday events as well.

When we are stressed, our children often notice it.

Before entering a difficult gathering, parents can take a moment to breathe, lower their expectations, and remind themselves:

"My job isn't to make everyone happy. My job is to support my child."

You don't have to manage every relative's reaction.

You don't have to explain every behavior.

You don't have to stay until the end.

And you don't have to create a perfect holiday.

Connection Over Perfection

Parents sometimes become so focused on creating the perfect holiday that they overlook what their child actually needs.

From a mental health perspective, connection is more important than performance.

Your child doesn't need to:

• Sit perfectly through dinner
• Participate in every activity
• Talk to every relative
• Take the perfect family picture
• Appear happy all day
• Follow every tradition exactly

Your child needs to know:

"I am loved. I am accepted. I am safe. I belong."

A Holiday Reminder for Parents

If your child struggles emotionally during the holidays, resist comparing your family to the family next door, the family in your social media feed, or the family sitting across the holiday table.

Every family has its own story.

Every child has different needs.

And sometimes successful holiday participation looks very different from what we imagined.

Maybe your child stayed for dinner but needed a quiet break.

Maybe they participated in one tradition.

Maybe they sat beside you instead of joining the group.

Maybe they were able to attend for only an hour.

That still counts.

From a mental health perspective, the goal isn't to make your child tolerate everything.

The goal is to help your child develop the skills, confidence, and emotional safety to participate in life while knowing that they have support when things become difficult.

This Holiday Season, Give the Gift of Belonging

Your child does not have to earn their place at the holiday table by being calm, cheerful, social, or "well behaved."

They already belong.

Make room for their needs.

Make room for their feelings.

Make room for their differences.

Make room for breaks.

Make room for connection.

Because sometimes the greatest holiday gift a parent can give a child is not something wrapped in a box.

It is the feeling of being able to say:

"I can be myself here. I am understood. I am loved. And I belong."

As a parent, we want so much for our children.

We want them to be happy. We want them to feel confident. We want them to have friends, make memories, enjoy the holidays, and look forward to the future.

But what happens when your child is struggling with anxiety or depression?

The holidays can look very different.

As a parent, you may find yourself watching your child closely, wondering if they're okay. You may notice that they aren't as excited as they used to be. Maybe they don't want to attend family gatherings. Maybe they seem irritable, withdrawn, overwhelmed, or exhausted.

And you may find yourself thinking:

“What can I do to make this better?”

I have learned that sometimes, I can't make it better.

And that can be one of the hardest things for a parent to accept.

I can't always take away my child's anxiety. I can't simply tell them to “be happy” when they're depressed. I can't fix every problem or protect them from every difficult feeling.

But I can be there.

Sometimes Connection Is the Gift

When a child is struggling emotionally, we can become focused on finding solutions. We look for the right words, the right activity, the right therapist, the right answer.

But sometimes our children don't need us to have an answer.

Sometimes they need us to sit beside them.

To listen.

To say, “I know this is hard.”

To remind them, “You don't have to pretend you're okay with me.”

To let them know, “We will get through this together.”

That kind of connection can be incredibly powerful.

Let Go of the Perfect Holiday

As parents, we can put enormous pressure on ourselves to make the holidays special.

We want the perfect family picture. The perfect meal. The perfect celebration. We want our children to be happy and grateful.

But when your child is experiencing anxiety or depression, perfection may not be realistic, and that's okay.

Maybe your child doesn't want to attend every gathering.

Maybe they need to leave early.

Maybe they don't want to take the family picture.

Maybe they need some quiet time away from everyone.

Maybe this year looks different.

Different doesn't mean unsuccessful.

Sometimes taking care of our child's mental health means changing our expectations and meeting them where they are.

What I Wish Every Parent Knew

If your child is struggling this holiday season, please remember that you are not a bad parent because you cannot make their pain disappear.

You are not failing because your child is struggling.

And your child is not failing either.

Mental health challenges don't erase the wonderful person your child is. Anxiety and depression may be part of what they are experiencing, but they do not define who they are.

Your child still needs boundaries, encouragement, and guidance, but they also need compassion.

They need to know that their difficult days don't make them difficult to love.

Maybe the Greatest Gift Is Simply Being There

One day, your child may not remember every present they received.

They may not remember what was served for dinner or whether the house was perfectly decorated.

But they may remember that when they were struggling, you stayed.

You listened.

You sat beside them.

You didn't judge them.

You didn't give up on them.

You reminded them that there was hope, even when they couldn't see it themselves.

So this holiday season, perhaps we can take some of the pressure off ourselves.

Let's stop trying to create the perfect holiday and focus instead on creating moments of connection.

A child's holiday wish may not be perfection.

It may simply be:

“Be with me. Listen to me. Accept me. Love me, even when I'm having a hard time.”

And as parents, sometimes the most meaningful gift we can give is the one that doesn't come wrapped at all:

Our presence.

From one parent to another: You don't have to have all the answers. You just have to keep showing up with love.

HOLIDAY STRESS DETECTIVE

A CBT Activity for Managing Holiday Anxiety

The holidays can bring happy moments—and sometimes stress, pressure, sadness, or anxiety.

This activity can help you notice your thoughts, challenge anxiety, and choose a healthy response.

1. WHAT IS MAKING ME ANXIOUS?

Think about one holiday situation that is creating stress for you.

☐ Family gatherings

☐ Changes in my routine

☐ School or work expectations

☐ Social events

☐ Family conflict

☐ Feeling left out

☐ Money or gifts

☐ Missing someone

☐ Pressure to be happy

☐ Something else: ___________________________

The situation that is bothering me: ______________________

2. CATCH THE THOUGHT

What happened?

What was I thinking?_______________________________________________”

What feeling did I notice?

☐ Anxious ☐ Sad ☐ Angry ☐ Lonely ☐ Overwhelmed

☐ Embarrassed ☐ Frustrated ☐ Other: _______________

How strong was the feeling?

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

3. BE A THOUGHT DETECTIVE

Ask yourself:

What evidence supports my thought?

What evidence does NOT support my thought?

Am I predicting the worst?

☐ Yes ☐ No

Am I thinking in “always” or “never” terms?

☐ Yes ☐ No

Am I expecting myself to be perfect?

☐ Yes ☐ No

What would I say to a friend who was having this thought?

4. CREATE A BALANCED THOUGHT

Instead of:

“The holidays are going to be awful.”

I can remind myself:

“Some parts may be difficult, but I can handle one moment at a time and use my coping skills.”

My balanced thought:________________________________________________

Remember: Your balanced thought doesn't have to be overly positive. It just needs to be realistic and helpful.

5. CHOOSE MY COPING ACTION

What can I do that is within my control?

☐ Take 5 slow breaths

☐ Take a short break

☐ Talk to someone I trust

☐ Use STOP–THINK–ACT

☐ Challenge my negative thought

☐ Listen to music

☐ Practice mindfulness

☐ Set a healthy boundary

☐ Ask for help

☐ Focus on what I can control

☐ Other: ___________________________

My plan:

When: __________________________________________

I will: __________________________________________

Because it may help me: ___________________________

PRESENT, NOT PERFECT

I don't have to make everything perfect this holiday season.

One thing I can control:

One person I can connect with:

One thing I can let go of:

One coping skill I will use:

One kind thing I can tell myself:

MY HOLIDAY REMINDER

:I can't control everything that happens during the holidays. I can control how I respond, what I tell myself, and when I ask for support.”

Remember:

Be present. Be kind to yourself. Ask for help when you need it.

Present, Not Perfect.