BFPP Early Learner's World
Spring 2022 ~ Vol. 5
WHEN PARENTS DON’T WANT TO PLAY
by Teacher Sammy
Sick Kitty was the “go to” game for my boys and me when they were in their early years. I would come home from work so exhausted from being with kids all day that I had little energy left for anyone but myself. Somehow, I managed to muster up the energy to play a sick momma cat game with my boys, a cat that was always on the verge of dying. My kids would lick my wounds (cheeks, forehead, hands and even hair). They were so ready for my attention that I could almost hear the desperation in each meow as it grew louder and the licks somehow got grosser. I didn’t know how to set healthy boundaries or make a plan before I became trapped into my sick momma cat role. On top of the Sick Kitty game, I have always found imaginary play to be uncomfortable and a big stretch for me in general, unless I am feeling extra goofy and creative.
Anyhow, here are some respectful ways to let your kids know you don’t always want to play and to set clear boundaries with them:
Instead of playing kitties, let’s read a book or draw together.
I cannot play right now, but we can make a list together of ideas that you can do by yourself.
I can play after dinner, and you can play by yourself right now.
I can help you get started, and then I am going to do my work while you do yours.
I need to fold laundry, how about you put the clothes in different piles for us.
I can set the timer for 20 minutes and when it rings I will need to stop playing because I need to…
Let’s go for a walk together.
Suggest that you hang out in the same room together even if you are doing different things
Honestly Yours,
Sammy
Who Says Writing Can’t Be Fun?
I remember years ago, when I taught 4th grade, I loved teaching math. It was sequential, step by step, concrete and unambiguous. Everything felt tangible; drawing representational pictures, working on number fluency, adding fractions, breaking down word problems, and finding patterns. Then I had to teach writing, and I felt like my whole world exploded! I always thought of myself as a writer but to teach writing, that was a whole different set of serious skills.
After many years of questioning, collaborating, planning, mentoring, workshopping, joining book studies, and lots of reflection, I slowly found my way. So, I can only imagine how some families feel when they try to teach writing to their kids, especially if they are resistant learners.
My advice, make writing FUN, ENGAGING, MEANINFUL and PERSONAL. Also, give kids CHOICE, while at the same time, setting the stage.
Below are some foundational pieces to guide you in your ever evolving homeschooling journey with your child(ren). These resources are a few fundamental pieces of the developmental writing process and a few creative, practical ideas to inspire you and your child(ren).
- Why Shouldn't I Spell Words for My Child To Write? explains how we can facilitate our children's developmental writing process.
- There are 8 Stages of Writing which are laid out nicely on this document with kid writing to match.
- Narrative Picture Books -mentor texts teach kids about how others write about their own experiences
- The Developmental Stages of Writing This is a great read if you are interested in the different components of reading and links to other activities.
- Here you will find a few resources that are FREE and practical that will help spark ideas with writing from Nellie Edge.
- If you are needing a Writer’s Notebook or Emergent Story Card, please let me or your LPP know, and we will put one aside for you.
Remember, it’s less about reading and writing at an early age and more about how language works!
In Partnership,
Sammy Cousens
Looking for more Early Learning articles?
Check out the Early Learner's World Archive written by BFPP teachers.
Finding What You Love
by Teacher Sammy
I remember when I was in grade school, I was taking piano lessons (because my parents really wanted me to) and every week after school I would walk over to this piano teacher lady's house. I have vivid memories of her brown carpet, heavy cream blinds, linoleum kitchen floor and that piano just right there when I walked in. I’m sure this teacher was nice enough because I only have one triggering memory of those piano lessons. I remember after a few lessons her asking me to create my own music for homework and to be ready to share my piece the following week. At first I was confused and the more I thought about it, I was horrified. I can almost guarantee that I made my piece up on the spot and it was probably extremely uncomfortable for both of us. After that I never went back to that piano teacher and didn’t want anything to do with private (or any other kind) music lessons.
Now I wonder, perhaps this teacher was trying to tap into my creative side, trying to help empower me because she recognized I wasn’t that interested. The problem was, I didn’t feel like I had much of a voice when it came to being there. I was already so critical of my skills, inhibited in the things I did, and just wanted her to TELL ME WHAT TO DO. This was not fun, this was work- and I needed confirmation that I was doing a “good job.” I wanted approval. A little approval was all I needed at the time to keep going to that house with that teacher and that piano. I really did try for a bit (for my parents) and then I quit. I had no heart in this piano thing.
As a teacher and parent, I look back over my younger years and realize that listening to my own inner voice and my own wants and needs were not there when I said yes to piano, or for that matter ballet (can you imagine), or the other 10 things I did to please my parents. I did, however, learn about follow through, courage, flexibility and trying new things- that was the silver lining of signing up for all the different lessons that made my parents proud. The flipside, I didn’t learn how to lean into the things that interested me, nor did I learn how to think critically about my interests, because in lots of ways I didn’t believe in myself. I thought my parents knew better than I did, because they were older and I thought smarter. Clearly, now I see what I loved from as early as I can remember. I loved making people laugh, watching The Carol Burnett Show and imitating the actors and performing. I didn’t know that these were options for me, things I could study and do myself.
Fast forward to today… I found my way to the things I love and give my heart to a job I love (I do give my parents LOTS of credit for these decisions too). When I come to work every day, it feels like I am tricking someone into paying me to do what I love. And to be honest, I stand a little taller and pat myself on the back a little more when my boss, colleagues, friends and family tell me I am doing a “good job.” But then I also remember how those two words, “good job” can be enabling, powerful, and influence people in manipulative ways, when all we really want to do is encourage those we love.
The day we come into the world we are looking for validation. It’s normal, great, perfect, and loving to validate. But then, when we become toddlers and beyond and are still looking for that confirmation from others, that is something to pause over and think about. For example, you know the way kids make a drawing and say, “Do you like it?” The more I think about it, the more I realize, it doesn’t matter if I like it. What really matters is if they like their drawing. We need to continue to teach kids to empower themselves, to look internally for validation and use their metacognition skills to help evaluate their own struggles, strengths, interests and voice in the world.
Here are a few good articles that speak to these 21st century skills necessary to thrive in our world and ways to help empower our children:
