Good afternoon Patriots, and Happiest Mother's Day to all of our insanely spectacular PHJH mothers that keep showing up and rocking their mom gig each and every day!
As I am rapidly approaching the final year of being the mother of a mix of adults and teens and transitioning into the next chapter of learning to parent all adults, I thought I would take a moment to share with you, although you didn't ask for it, the big lessons I have learned along the way.
First, although thousands of books, blogs, websites, podcasts, and so-called experts disagree, I am telling you with 100% certainty there is no such thing as a set list or criteria of requirements for what it takes to be a "good" mom! The only recipe or magic sauce for being a good mom is just showing up and doing the best YOU can. If you do your best to take care of their basic needs, ensure they know they are loved, and show up as often as possible, you ARE A GOOD mom. Sometimes you will be able to do those things better than others, so don't be ashamed to ask for help, and when you are in a good place, don't be afraid to give help. Your kids LOVE you and need VERY little to love you and feel loved. ( If you ever question if you are AMAZING, shoot me an email, and I will list all of the ways you are ROCKING this whole mom gig!!!)
One of the great mysteries of being a parent is that you can have multiple kids raised in the same basic ways, and what worked for one does the exact opposite for the other. It can make you feel like you are losing your mind if you let it. Just know this has very little to do with you. Kids are their own little humans, and I am a firm believer that all you can do is try to help them get an education, teach them how to be good humans, and then pretty early on, they are going to chart their own path. We just have to do our best to try to keep them and ourselves from going off the rails.
Kids are capable if far more than we give them credit for. Moms are natural problem solvers, fixers, and nurturers, so when our kids make mistakes or find themselves in uncomfortable situations, it is often our first instinct to swoop in and fix it. I have done a fair amount of swooping in and backing off, and I can say without question that while backing off is far more difficult, it is exponentially more effective. Now backing off does not mean abandoning, but rather coaching from the sidelines some options to help our kiddos problem-solve. With phones and social media, our kids are really struggling with having the skills and courage to be able to communicate and problem-solve in person. While it is so hard to watch, the best thing we can do for our kids is to give them some experience with problem-solving and, rather than fixing it for them, just loving them through it.
Kids are funny. Like contracted for their own HBO special-level funny. As difficult as it is to find the funny in some of the situations they get themselves into, for your own sanity and theirs. Take the time we were out of town for a funeral, and one of our adult kiddos had to stay home for work. While watching a Western movie on Dad's new TV, he had a BB gun and was pretending to shoot the bad guys on the show. Turns out he didn't make sure the gun was all the way empty of BBs... Two things went down that day... One Western movie bad guy, and one new flat-screen TV. Wasn't funny in that moment, but by the time we got home, Dad had calmed down, and our son had already started researching how to enter the Witness Protection Program. At the end of the day, it was just a thing, and you can not make up a story about how a TV got destroyed that is as funny as that. Being mad doesn't bring the TV back. If it is just a thing or can be fixed, do your best to find the funny.
Finally, Moms... It may not seem like it now, as the Junior High years are when children are in their baby giraffe stage. Still, I am telling you that you are going to blink your eyes, and you will be in the same shoes as I am, wondering where your babies went and realizing that you have no idea how to parent adults.
You will miss the noise.
You will miss the chaos.
You will miss doing laundry, checking Skyward, driving to practices, and having to buy milk at Costco.
Raising kids is challenging, exhausting, and has required far more hiding in bathrooms to eat Oreos and ice cream than I ever expected, but it is one that I would sign up for over and over and over again if given a chance. There are so many ways to be a mom, and I am a firm believer that being a mom to someone is just about being willing to love.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful children with us!!!
You are absolutely KILLING the whole parenting thing!!!
As Always Patriots...
Remember
You are L❤️VED!!!
Mrs. Summers
Mrs. Turley
Mr. Joyce
