In a Time Magazine article titled, “It’s Time to Set Boundaries”, by Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, she discusses the concept of “sturdy leadership” when it comes to parenting. She defines it as “a model of parental authority where parents both hold boundaries and stay connected to a child or, actually, improve connection through these moments. They do this by validating their child’s feelings while holding firm on what is best for everyone.” She says, “Imagine you just told your 12- year old daughter no when she asked to have a sleepover, and she is-understandably-annoyed with you about not getting what she wants. In this moment, Sturdy Leadership could look something like this: “One of my main jobs is to make decisions that I think are good for you, even when you’re upset with me. This is one of those times. I get that you’re upset, I really do.” Kennedy explains that in this example the parent validated their child’s feelings while holding firm on their decision to do what they believe is best. Lastly, she says it is never too late to start setting boundaries with your child if you have gotten away from them. She uses this analogy: “Think of yourself like a pilot who always has the right to return to base should the skies be more turbulent than expected-in fact, this is something passengers would want a pilot to do, even if they seem annoyed in the moment.” She closes with this: “You are the pilot of your family plane-and while your kids will never thank you for changing your rules, they will, years later, very much benefit from your sturdiness and protection.”
