Supporting Students

Cooperation & Competition

Developing the ability to navigate both collaboration and competition is important when interacting with others during work and play. Students with exceptional abilities sometimes find group settings challenging. Firm beliefs in the "correct" way of doing things can hinder their ability to compromise. Concern for being judged or hurting others' feelings can lead to avoidance of or strong reactions to even mildly competitive situations. This may be heightened for gifted learners as they are accustomed to performing well and may struggle with setbacks, difficulties, or losses.

Cooperation and competition challenges may arise when-

working on group projects in school
managing wins and losses
addressing performance doubts and expectations
comparing themselves to others (classmates, siblings, etc.)

1. Acknowledge Feelings

Begin by recognizing and understanding your child's emotions. You might say, "It must be challenging for others to have different opinions about how best to complete a group project when you think your plan is the best," or "It's no fun when your team loses and you think it's because everyone else isn't trying hard enough." When parents validate their children's feelings, it helps kids feel cared for and heard.

2. Teach Perspective

Encourage your student to consider the feelings of others. Ask questions like, "Did you notice how others were feeling? What do you think they would say about this?"

3. Discuss Behavior

Children don't automatically know how to cooperate or be good sports. Talk about what good teamwork looks like. For example, you can brainstorm together ways to boost group morale, like asking others for their input, working without complaining, or complimenting their peers.

4. Build Resilience

Develop a healthy perspective on winning and losing by explaining that these outcomes are temporary. Expose students to both cooperative and competitive activities in risk-free situation. Emphasize that the goal is to have fun and enjoy the company of others, regardless of the outcome.

5. Address Self-Doubt

Share that it's normal to feel anxious before a competition or performance. Talk to your child about managing self-doubt through techniques like deep breathing, visualization, positive self-talk, and focusing on the task rather than worrying about the outcome.

6. Encourage Growth

Encourage a growth mindset. Gifted learners may struggle when they encounter challenges or when others excel. Help them understand that effort and perseverance are more important than instant success. Explain that it's not about where they start but how far they can progress.

7. Emphasize Strengths

Help students avoid defining their self-worth through the lens of being the "best" or "better than." Focus on their unique strengths and interests rather than comparing them to others. Encourage them to ask, "What do I want to learn?" instead of "Who is the smartest?"