April Fools Newsletter
The BHS Lookout 2026
730 Days Later: The Costa Rica Crisis Continues
By: Taevy Malone, 2028
Today marks the second year anniversary of the Costa Rica Trip members becoming stranded in Chicago, with still no resolution in sight for the students and their teachers...
Sam Altman Arrested for Theft
By Zoe Rodriguez 2028
Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI, has been arrested under accusation of conducting a string of robberies across the country. The specific buildings he targeted were art museums, libraries, VHS stores, and he mistook the term “data garden” for an actual garden, so he robbed those too. In the end this accumulated to millions of dollars in stolen property. He was finally found at...
Past Work Experience of Teachers
By: Ayah Rizk, 2027
Mrs. Irving
While Mrs. Irving spends her time at BHS teaching Geometry and Precalculus, many are unaware of her past job experience as a prison guard. She spent two years working on Rikers island, but eventually quit because...
Local Woman Proves She had a “Fun” Weekend with over 14,000 Photos of Evidence
By Ariel Bronikowski, 2029
Local resident Jessica Pierson just returned from a “fun” weekend trip. She claims “I had the best time ever!” Only the whole time she spent 94% of her waking hours documenting the trip!
“It was so relaxing,” said Jessica Pierson, 29, while scrolling through 1,243 nearly identical photos of herself holding a latte in front of a rustic wooden door...
Millennial Teachers Encourage Student to Cheat “The Old Fashioned Way”
By Tim Dolan, Lookout Advisor
After receiving a combined 60 of 61 student essays that were clearly written by Chat GPT, (the remaining essay being an unfinished draft with only the hopeful phrase “Macbeth is a tragic figure because…”), English teachers Sarah Kane and Liz Marcotte...
Freshman Boys Collude to All Score a 67 on Recent Physics Quiz
By Tim Dolan, Lookout Advisor
In a pattern that defies all odds, every freshman boy in Ms. Hansel’s Physics class scored a 67 on their most recent quiz last Friday. While puzzled at first, Hansel quickly suspected collusion. “I’ve never had students cheat to get a lower grade before,” she explained, completely nonplussed by the whole idea...
Student Gambling on Staff Absences Boosts Community and Test Scores
By Tim Dolan, Lookout Advisor
Following the success of gambling on non-sports events through prediction markets like Kalshi and Polymarket, a shadowy group of BHS students known only as “The D109 Crew” has begun setting odds on the morning teacher absence announcements. “This whole thing started one day when I had subs for three periods in a row, and so I went back through all of Nina Tate’s emails and tallied every teacher absence for the year” said...
- a 70 degree spring day
- getting an A on a test you didn't study for
- when a teacher cancels a big project
- long weekends
- getting 8-9 hours of sleep