Ask the Chris Walsh Center

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Your student has moved in, classes have started, and you are trying to give them room to settle into college life. Then the call comes.

“I hate it here.”

“I don’t have any friends.”

“I want to come home.”

For parents and caregivers, that can be a difficult call to receive, especially when you know how much effort it took for your student to get to college in the first place. The instinct may be to fix the problem immediately, tell them what to do, or start wondering whether coming home is the right answer.

But one difficult night, one lonely weekend, or one tearful phone call does not necessarily mean your student cannot adjust. For many neurodivergent students, the social transition to college takes more time because they are managing so many new demands at once.

The more useful question is whether you are seeing a pattern. Here are 5 different ways to pay attention to your child’s behavior to confirm your worries or dismiss them because you need to give the situation more time to evolve.

There is nothing wrong with wanting the comfort of home during a major transition. But when kids go home every weekend or leave campus whenever they have free time, they have fewer opportunities to become familiar with the people and places around them. Friendship tends to grow through repeated contact. Students need opportunities for strangers to become familiar faces and familiar faces to become acquaintances. Coming home occasionally is not the problem. The question is whether coming home is preventing them from creating a life on campus.

Many neurodivergent students genuinely need more time alone to recharge, and that should not automatically be treated as a warning sign. The concern is when isolation becomes the default. If your student always eats alone in their room, avoids common spaces, leaves campus whenever there is downtime, or never seems to mention another student in their day-to-day stories, it is worth paying attention. The issue is not whether your child is introverted or enjoys being alone. The issue is whether there are any opportunities for connection happening at all.

Parents often tell students to “join a club” as though joining alone will solve the problem. It usually will not. What matters is finding somewhere your student genuinely wants to be and then returning often enough to become familiar with the people there. If your student has not found any place where that can happen, help them think less about where they “should” socialize and more about what they genuinely enjoy.

This is one of the easiest traps to fall into during the first few weeks of college. But, two students eating together during the first month of college may simply be two people who have started talking. Friendship develops in stages. There are people you say hello to, acquaintances, activity buddies, friends, and eventually closer friendships. Help your student let those smaller connections count. Someone who remembers their name or regularly sits near them may not be a close friend yet, but that relationship may be moving in that direction.

Listen carefully to the way your student talks about themselves.

“I’m terrible at making friends.”

“Nobody likes me.”

“There must be something wrong with me.”

Many neurodivergent students arrive at college carrying memories of being misunderstood, left out, bullied, or rejected. When college does not immediately feel different, those old experiences can quickly become evidence in their minds that the same thing is happening again. This is where caregivers can play an especially important role.

First, resist the urge to immediately solve the problem. When your student says, “I have no friends,” it is tempting to respond with, “Go talk to your roommate” or “Ask someone to dinner.” Even well-intentioned advice can sound like another reminder that they are not doing college correctly.

Listen first, and then help them reconnect with what they already know about themselves. Remind them of their strengths and that friendship takes time.

Most importantly, shrink the goal. They do not need to attend the next club meeting and come home with a best friend. The next step may simply be going back, recognizing someone, sitting near the same person, or saying hello again. Friendship usually does not arrive all at once. It grows through small moments repeated over time.

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Your questions help shape our work. This article grew directly from questions families brought to the Chris Walsh Center—and chances are, if you are wondering about something, another caregiver is too.

Whether your question is about school, college transitions, friendships, neurodiversity, special education, or supporting your child’s well-being, we want to hear from you. Your question may even inspire a future article, webinar, or program featuring an expert who can help.

Reach out anytime at chriswalshcenter@framingham.edu. Ask the question. We’ll help you find the resources and expertise you need.

Email: chriswalshcenter@framingham.edu
Website: https://www.chriswalshcenter.org
Location: 100 State Street, Framingham, MA, USA
Phone: (508) 215-5630