Growing Up Connected

One day last year, I got a frantic call from my husband. Our then 5th-grade daughter, Tess, had come home from school, let herself in with the keypad, and found nobody there. Dave was downtown at his office, I was out running errands, and her older brother Owen was at soccer practice.

I’m typically in my home office when Tess comes through the door every day at 3:15 pm. But this day I was out and had forgotten to leave a note. Because we live on Aldine Avenue, almost directly across the street from Nettelhorst, Tess was able to run back to school, get buzzed in through Door 9, and use the phone in the front office to call Dave, a number she knew by heart.

Because she was scared and crying, Dave called me in a panic, wondering where I was, and worried about her distress. Maybe we needed to get her a phone so this didn’t happen again?

I had a different reaction: Wow, look at how well she solved this problem by herself.

Better together

How you would respond in this situation depends on so many things, including your age, upbringing, life experiences, and parenting style. And no matter where you fall on this issue, your reaction and feelings are valid.

Having conversations about parenting and tech use is hard because it can so easily turn into a referendum on who’s doing it “right.” Am I “wrong” because my first reaction to Tess’ predicament wasn’t concern for her anguish?

Potential therapy bills aside, we’re all doing our best. But maybe we can do even better if we approach these issues together. Nettelhorst’s greatest strength is its community. Why not leverage that to support each other in one of the toughest, most important jobs on earth: raising healthy kids?

It was in this spirit that Nettelhorst’s Wait Until 8th initiative was born. Towards the end of the last school year, a group of parents of lower-grade students decided to sign the Wait Until 8th pledge to delay giving their children smartphones until after 8th grade (age 14). Some also circulated it to other parents with children in the same grades.

It was a grassroots effort in response to growing research showing that introducing smartphones before high school is leading to unprecedented levels of anxiety and depression. That today’s kids are having a harder time concentrating, self-regulating, and getting the sleep they need. That they aren’t learning critical life skills because we’re coddling them in the real world and handing them devices that expose them to an online world filled with content far beyond their years.

Beyond smartphones

One of the primary reasons parents give their kids smartphones is peer pressure. Kids start asking for them because their friends have them, and parents say yes because other parents have. The Wait Until 8th pledge aims to reduce this pressure by organizing parents to say “not yet” together.

But as a parent of two middle schoolers, I quickly realized the challenge of promoting the pledge to parents of older students: most 6th-8th graders already have phones. Were those families really going to walk that back?

Probably not.

Plus, the issues with kids and technology go far beyond smartphones. Neither of my kids has one yet, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t face-down in their iPads every chance they get. That it isn’t a struggle to get them to hand over their devices at bedtime. Or to pick up a book, go outside, or do their homework instead of watching YouTube shorts.

Yes, I still have plenty to worry about, such as the email I recently received from another parent alerting me to a conversation one of my middle schoolers was involved in on a group chat. In that chat, one of the kids was threatening to hurt themselves.

This is scary stuff. And yet it’s also important not to overreact to the role that technology now plays in their lives. Our kids are growing up in a very different world from the one we did. And we’re not exactly screen saints ourselves. (My personal addiction is watching the Shuffle Mamas on Instagram.)

Broader approach

To account for these factors, we are broadening our approach beyond Wait Until 8th because this issue is about so more than taking a smartphone pledge. It’s about working together to help our kids learn how to grow up using technology in healthy ways. To reflect this renewed purpose, we’re now calling the initiative “Growing up Connected.” Here’s what we hope to accomplish:

Our mission is to raise awareness about the impact of technology on our community. We exist to bring parents, students, and educators together to share experiences, discuss challenges, and find ways to address those challenges. We focus on building supportive connections, creating space for honest dialogue, and developing practical solutions that keep human relationships at the center of our community.

What will this look like in practice? We have a few ideas, including:

• A monthly “Tech Talk” newsletter featuring Q&As with experts from our community on topics related to kids and screens

• A monthly support group for middle school parents on surviving the adolescent years (not just technology-related issues)

• Resources and practical tips for kids and technology-related issues

As part of the Nettelhorst community, you will automatically receive the Tech Talk newsletter and updates about the parent group and related resources. You don’t need to subscribe, and you can always opt out.

However, to make this initiative successful, we need your help. Please, please, please take the “Kids & Screens” parent survey below. It will take you less than 5 minutes and understanding your views on kids and technology gives us the best chance of turning individual struggles into shared solutions.

If you’d like to sign the Wait Until 8th pledge, by all means, please do. And if you don’t, that’s fine too. We’ll share monthly updates on the number of Nettelhorst families who have signed by grade. But the pledge itself is no longer the campaign’s primary focus. It’s one tool within a larger effort.

I look forward to working with you on this!

Laurie Cunningham

Nettelhorst Parent

Owen (8th) and Tess (6th)